If this pandemic hit a year ago, I don’t know how well I would have managed. My life was wholly different then, executive orders aside. It was seemingly more stable, but it was more uncertain. I was ready for change, for a personal “new normal,” but I wasn’t there yet and wasn’t sure how to get there.
I had a few intimidating ideas.
One of them was ending the romantic relationship I had been in for 11 years. It wasn’t easy, and I know, for the rest of my life, there will be people who will not support or understand the choice I made. But the relationship was something I needed to let go of – to take on the life I really needed.
The other action steps were of a similar magnitude – leaving my career of a decade, starting job positions in which I felt I was an impostor, and loving in a new romantic relationship.
The changes were energizing, but they were also exhausting. I was happy, but I was also deeply upset by certain things.
It took a while to feel settled, and it took a pandemic to make me realize that the home I’m sheltering in place at really is home. I am living my “new normal,” and I am living so much better because of it.
So, for any of you who are struggling or settling, or if you’re just looking for some reassurance during a strange time, here are some of the things that helped me find peace in the life I rebuilt.
Reevaluating my life goals.
In 2012, I made a list of life goals on an index card. (This was inspired by Neil Gaiman’s “Make Good Art” speech, which was an address to the 2012 graduating class of the University of the Arts in Philadelphia.) I reworked the list sometime around 2016, thought I lost the card last summer, found it this past fall, and revised and fine-tuned the list the other day.
I noticed what I valued in 2016 and what I value now haven’t changed, but I’m less concerned about the details leading up to my goals. I put less pressure on myself now, and I’m not so hung up on timing or money. The journey is worth enjoying.
Taking better care of myself.
There’s a lot that goes into this – basically everything else I’ll mention. In general, I started making decisions based on how certain things would affect my mental-emotional and/or physical health. From no longer eating at buffets to spending more money on pillows to finally getting that pet rodent, I put a higher priority on my wellbeing, and it’s been worth it.
Being happy with my work.
This is huge because for most of my working life, I was unhappy with my work. I was doing something I was good at, but it was draining me and wasn’t the best way to utilize my skill set. I was lucky to find and secure the job I have now – because it’s a really good fit. Finally having that fit increased my motivation and improved my general attitude. I’m doing something I care about, for and with people I care about. It’s rewarding, and I’m proud to be part of it. #STEMinist
Acknowledging the gaps in my social circle.
When you end a major romantic relationship, people pick sides, even though they say they won’t. (And they especially do if you and your former significant other don’t air out the same amount of dirty laundry.) Ending my relationship turned away some friends I had been close with since high school. It hurt, but I didn’t fight their decision to drop association with me. Instead, I focused on the social support that stuck – the people who really got me – and welcomed the idea of new people to fill the spaces old friends left behind. New social support means new opportunities and perspectives. It’s a way to grow.
Making my home my home.
Home is a calm place. I keep it clean and quiet, and it’s decorated with art and reminders of the things that bring me joy. It’s a place I enjoy being, and it’s a place that feels unquestionably “me.”
I’m at a place in my life where I feel positive and inspired. The world is a bad science fiction novel right now, but at least, as I’m sheltering in place and taking inventory of what I have, I’m satisfied. And I’m strong.
If you can’t find solace in the world around you, you can at least work to find it in yourself.
What does your “new normal” look like? What changes are within your control that would make the “normal” that’s right for you?